After weeks of monsoon rains, there was a sunny day last week that presented me with a golden opportunity to complete some outdoor chores.
I was burning up with spring fever, and decided to finish replacing the exterior siding on my tool shed.
It took me about ten minutes to find my extension cord, circular saw and drill. I started spreading my lumber out onto the grass when I realized I didn't have my tape measure.
Hmmm...tape measure, tape measure...what did I do with that tape measure?
As I pondered this, my neighbor strolled over to the fence and began talking to me. Since I have a one-track mind (which is easily de-railed) I really wasn't in the mood for chit-chat at that moment, but I didn't want to be rude, since my neighbors are nice, and I stopped working so we could yak for a while.
After the gab session, I returned my focus to the task at hand. I decided to start by trimming out the plywood siding on the shed with some 1x4 pine boards. Then I remembered: I still needed to find that tape measure!
I walked back into the house to look for it, and heard the phone ringing. When I answered it I was thrilled to hear a digital voice giving me the exciting news that I had won an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise, and that if I pressed "1" for more information I could book my reservation today!
How lucky can a guy get?
After hanging up the phone, my bladder reminded me that I had business to take care of inside. While visiting the throne room, I discovered an interesting article in Fortune magazine that detailed some exciting new investment opportunities for my vast retirement portfolio. (I will be able to retire by 2052 if I can figure out how to live on 500 calories a day and also talk one of my kids into letting me live in a back bedroom rent-free.)
After washing up, I stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of ice water. Noticing the ice cube supply was low, I took a minute to fill the tray and put it into the freezer. That's when I saw the fudgecicle, so I grabbed it and sat out on the porch for a few minutes to slurp it down.
It occurred to me that I still needed that tape measure. I thought I had seen it in the garage, so I spent about 10 minutes out there searching the shelves, but never did find it. Hmmm...maybe I had left it out in the shed.
As I walked out the back door, the neighbor kids on the other side of my yard called me over. I stopped to talk to them, and they asked me if I had any extra wood that they could use to build a lemonade stand. I told them I'd be happy to let them have whatever was left over after I finished working on my shed. (I didn't have the heart to tell them that at the rate I was going, they'd be able to sell lemonade to their grandchildren.)
I walked back over to the shed, and started looking around for the tape measure. I was really starting to get irritated. So far it had taken me 90 minutes to go to the bathroom, fill up the ice cube tray, and eat a fudgecicle.
Where was that freakin' tape measure?
I finally decided to forget about any carpentry work, and just finish staining the wood trim that I had laying in the grass so that it would be ready to put up whenever I finally found my tape measure.
As I started stirring the wood stain I felt the first drops of rain on my neck. I looked up to see a line of menacing dark clouds moving in from the west. Apparently I was not destined to accomplish anything that day. I frantically started gathering up my power tools and putting them into the shed. Then I picked up the lumber and stacked it inside the shed against the north wall, right next to a shelf.
I looked down on that shelf, and there, right where I had put it, was the tape measure. I swear I heard it laughing at me.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
I Still Want My Summers Back
This blog was originally posted in August of 2010. You may have missed it. Now that summer is fast approaching, I want to bring the issue up again. I want my summers back! Come this August, when we are baking in the sun, school will start again and cut short the best part of the year. This is just wrong!
Ah, the dog days of summer. The sun is high in the sky, baking the parched grass. The beach is warm and inviting as the waves lap against the shore. The aroma of coconut oil wafts across the pool at Garfield Park, and for some reason I cannot fathom: KIDS ARE STANDING AT THE CURB WAITING FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!
Whatever happened to summer?
This ever-earlier encroachment of the start of school on summer vacation has irked me for years, and the situation is only getting worse. There are elementary schools around here that started on August 2nd. My neighbor began his "fall" semester at Southport High School on August 10th.
Again I ask: whatever happened to summer?
Educators tell us that we need a longer school year to pump our students' heads up with more knowledge so they can compete in an increasingly high-tech world. Okay, I get that. But if you are going to add days to the school year, why not add them in June, when it is cooler and less humid. Why screw up the month of August, the best part of summer?
I have heard educators say that adding days in June is not productive, since kids are looking forward to the end of the school year, and they begin to lose focus on their studies.
Well, duh! The reason kids begin to lose their focus in April is because they know they are getting out of school in May. If we move the school calendar back, then students can begin to lose their focus in May because they know that school will end in June. I see no real problem here.
When you live in a place like Indiana (as I have for my entire life) summertime is a precious and fleeting season. If you enjoy outdoor activities like swimming, boating and camping, there is a narrow window of opportunity to indulge in these pleasures.
May is totally unpredictable, and the water in our lakes is too cold to allow most us to swim. June is almost as bad, with lots of rainy days and cool nights. In addition, in June many of the state park reservoirs are flooded from the spring rains, which closes the beaches, and sometimes the marinas.
For summer junkies like me, that leaves July, August and maybe the first half of September. A mere two and half months to enjoy our summertime, and then we face another long dreary wait through fall, another brutal midwestern winter, and a soggy cold spring before we can play out in the water again.
Life is short. In my opinion, we all work too much and play too little. There are too few pleasures as it is, and for our schools to steal away the best part of summer just doesn't make sense to me. Summertime activities are wonderful ways for families to spend time together and make memories.
As I write this, on Wednesday August 11, it is 88 degrees at 9:00 in the morning. The high today is forecast at 96 degrees. Days like this are created for people to relax, work on a tan, and play in the water.
But today, the beach at Eagle Creek Park is closed. The pools in the Indianapolis city parks are closed. It's hitting 96 degrees in the middle of August, and there is nowhere nearby to go swimming BECAUSE THE LIFE GUARDS HAD TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
Conversely, you could go to a city pool in early June and shoot off a cannon without hitting anything but a pigeon, since no one in their right mind wants to go swimming when it is 75 degrees and raining. But that's when our pools are open, because we don't have enough sense to schedule summer vacations during the time that it is actually summer!
It is ridiculous to lose our summers like this. We are all cheated out of one of the best parts of the year because we can't get the schools to schedule summer vacations during the summertime. If you want to help change this situation, join the Save Indiana Summers campaign.
Ah, the dog days of summer. The sun is high in the sky, baking the parched grass. The beach is warm and inviting as the waves lap against the shore. The aroma of coconut oil wafts across the pool at Garfield Park, and for some reason I cannot fathom: KIDS ARE STANDING AT THE CURB WAITING FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!
Whatever happened to summer?
This ever-earlier encroachment of the start of school on summer vacation has irked me for years, and the situation is only getting worse. There are elementary schools around here that started on August 2nd. My neighbor began his "fall" semester at Southport High School on August 10th.
Again I ask: whatever happened to summer?
Educators tell us that we need a longer school year to pump our students' heads up with more knowledge so they can compete in an increasingly high-tech world. Okay, I get that. But if you are going to add days to the school year, why not add them in June, when it is cooler and less humid. Why screw up the month of August, the best part of summer?
I have heard educators say that adding days in June is not productive, since kids are looking forward to the end of the school year, and they begin to lose focus on their studies.
Well, duh! The reason kids begin to lose their focus in April is because they know they are getting out of school in May. If we move the school calendar back, then students can begin to lose their focus in May because they know that school will end in June. I see no real problem here.
When you live in a place like Indiana (as I have for my entire life) summertime is a precious and fleeting season. If you enjoy outdoor activities like swimming, boating and camping, there is a narrow window of opportunity to indulge in these pleasures.
May is totally unpredictable, and the water in our lakes is too cold to allow most us to swim. June is almost as bad, with lots of rainy days and cool nights. In addition, in June many of the state park reservoirs are flooded from the spring rains, which closes the beaches, and sometimes the marinas.
For summer junkies like me, that leaves July, August and maybe the first half of September. A mere two and half months to enjoy our summertime, and then we face another long dreary wait through fall, another brutal midwestern winter, and a soggy cold spring before we can play out in the water again.
Life is short. In my opinion, we all work too much and play too little. There are too few pleasures as it is, and for our schools to steal away the best part of summer just doesn't make sense to me. Summertime activities are wonderful ways for families to spend time together and make memories.
As I write this, on Wednesday August 11, it is 88 degrees at 9:00 in the morning. The high today is forecast at 96 degrees. Days like this are created for people to relax, work on a tan, and play in the water.
But today, the beach at Eagle Creek Park is closed. The pools in the Indianapolis city parks are closed. It's hitting 96 degrees in the middle of August, and there is nowhere nearby to go swimming BECAUSE THE LIFE GUARDS HAD TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
Conversely, you could go to a city pool in early June and shoot off a cannon without hitting anything but a pigeon, since no one in their right mind wants to go swimming when it is 75 degrees and raining. But that's when our pools are open, because we don't have enough sense to schedule summer vacations during the time that it is actually summer!
It is ridiculous to lose our summers like this. We are all cheated out of one of the best parts of the year because we can't get the schools to schedule summer vacations during the summertime. If you want to help change this situation, join the Save Indiana Summers campaign.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Your Life is a Journey
I once met a woman who had spent nearly 35 years of her life trying to please no one but herself. I first met her in 1994, when she was panhandling in University Park in downtown Indianapolis. She was dirty, rough and obviously hungover. She was sitting on a bench, with her walker next to her. Our acquaintance began when I gave her a few dollars for a meal. To protect her privacy, let's call her Margaret.
We talked briefly, and I as I walked away, thinking how sad it was that a lonely old woman should be panhandling for food, God spoke unmistakably to me. He said, "Keep an eye on her." I was startled (I don't hear God speak to me like that very often -- probably because I don't listen as well as I should) but I told him that I would do what I could.
To make a long story short, God eventually convinced me to bring Margaret home temporarily to live with my family. It took us six weeks to help her find an apartment she could afford on her monthly check from Social Security Disability. I hate to say this, but it was the longest six weeks of my life.
She was mean. She was unappreciative. When she didn't get her way, she would become hateful and verbally abusive. If she had been strong and healthy instead of sickly and frail, I'm sure she would have hurt us. It was obvious that she had mental problems. But her biggest problem was the booze.
She would sneak out for a cheap bottle of rot-gut vodka, and by the time I would get home in the evening she would be blitzed. I began to understand how her family could have deserted her. If I hadn't been under direct orders from the Lord, I would have trucked her hateful old bones back downtown to the park myself!
Eventually we did find Margaret an apartment nearby. She would get drunk and call the leasing office several times a week to complain about anything she could think of. When her lease was up, she was evicted. We found her another apartment, and moved her again. She managed to stay two years there, but was finally evicted for a variety of reasons including loud, late-night drinking parties; vulgar behavior around children in nearby apartment units; and sanitary concerns. (Good housekeeping was not her top priority.)
My point is this: This woman's life was a total wreck; she was lonely, pathetic and miserable; and it was her own fault. She didn't care about anyone or anything besides herself. And what she wanted more than anything was another drink. That was all that mattered to her. She had sacrificed her life to the god of alcohol.
She ruined herself by not caring about anything besides herself.
God has a plan for Margaret. He has had one all along. Like all of us, however, she is free to disregard God's will and follow her own selfish desires. Few of us have fallen as far from grace as Margaret, but we are only talking about a difference of degree.
Every single one of us falls short of God's best.
Every day we make choices that affect our direction in life. Every day we grow a little closer to God, or we drift a little further away.
It may be that you have strayed far from the path of your destiny. If so, I have great news for you.
Today you can turn around. Today you can choose to listen to God. Today you can begin the journey he has planned for you.
God specializes in second chances. He always allows U-turns. He is rich in mercy, and waits patiently to welcome his prodigal children back home.
It has truly been said: "Your life is God's gift to you; what good you do with it is your gift to him."
We talked briefly, and I as I walked away, thinking how sad it was that a lonely old woman should be panhandling for food, God spoke unmistakably to me. He said, "Keep an eye on her." I was startled (I don't hear God speak to me like that very often -- probably because I don't listen as well as I should) but I told him that I would do what I could.
To make a long story short, God eventually convinced me to bring Margaret home temporarily to live with my family. It took us six weeks to help her find an apartment she could afford on her monthly check from Social Security Disability. I hate to say this, but it was the longest six weeks of my life.
She was mean. She was unappreciative. When she didn't get her way, she would become hateful and verbally abusive. If she had been strong and healthy instead of sickly and frail, I'm sure she would have hurt us. It was obvious that she had mental problems. But her biggest problem was the booze.
She would sneak out for a cheap bottle of rot-gut vodka, and by the time I would get home in the evening she would be blitzed. I began to understand how her family could have deserted her. If I hadn't been under direct orders from the Lord, I would have trucked her hateful old bones back downtown to the park myself!
Eventually we did find Margaret an apartment nearby. She would get drunk and call the leasing office several times a week to complain about anything she could think of. When her lease was up, she was evicted. We found her another apartment, and moved her again. She managed to stay two years there, but was finally evicted for a variety of reasons including loud, late-night drinking parties; vulgar behavior around children in nearby apartment units; and sanitary concerns. (Good housekeeping was not her top priority.)
My point is this: This woman's life was a total wreck; she was lonely, pathetic and miserable; and it was her own fault. She didn't care about anyone or anything besides herself. And what she wanted more than anything was another drink. That was all that mattered to her. She had sacrificed her life to the god of alcohol.
She ruined herself by not caring about anything besides herself.
God has a plan for Margaret. He has had one all along. Like all of us, however, she is free to disregard God's will and follow her own selfish desires. Few of us have fallen as far from grace as Margaret, but we are only talking about a difference of degree.
Every single one of us falls short of God's best.
Every day we make choices that affect our direction in life. Every day we grow a little closer to God, or we drift a little further away.
It may be that you have strayed far from the path of your destiny. If so, I have great news for you.
Today you can turn around. Today you can choose to listen to God. Today you can begin the journey he has planned for you.
God specializes in second chances. He always allows U-turns. He is rich in mercy, and waits patiently to welcome his prodigal children back home.
It has truly been said: "Your life is God's gift to you; what good you do with it is your gift to him."
Friday, May 6, 2011
What Socialism Did for the Indians
John Stossel makes some excellent observations about how much the government hurts us when it tries to "help" us. READ MORE
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