
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Another Historical First on the Way
I had originally written a blog here singing the praises of Herman Cain. The day after I posted it, the first stories about his problems with the ladies began to surface.
For several weeks I gave Herman the benefit of the doubt, assuming that this was all a political smear campaign. Sadly, I was mistaken.
Herman, you sure dropped the ball. I had hoped you were the real deal: A strong conservative without any ties to the political establishment, someone who could bring some common-sense thinking to Washington.
It's a shame you couldn't behave yourself.
For several weeks I gave Herman the benefit of the doubt, assuming that this was all a political smear campaign. Sadly, I was mistaken.
Herman, you sure dropped the ball. I had hoped you were the real deal: A strong conservative without any ties to the political establishment, someone who could bring some common-sense thinking to Washington.
It's a shame you couldn't behave yourself.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Consensus? What Consensus?

More climate researchers are now coming forward to debunk the political hoax known as man-made climate change. READ MORE
S.O.B.s Have Feelings Too!
I may have to cry myself to sleep tonight.
It's hard not to take it personally when so many angry Democrats start saying such hateful things about us folks in the Tea Party.
In the past few weeks, I've been called an S.O.B. by Teamsters' President James Hoffa, and a terrorist and barbarian by Vice-President Joe Biden.
Democrat Congresswoman Maxine Waters wants me to go to hell, and my own Congressman, the Honorable Andre Carson (grandson and political heir of Julia) called me a racist and accused me of wanting to lynch a few black folks for entertainment.
Is this the new tone of civility that the Democrats keep talking about? Where is the love?
All of this vitriol because we dare to oppose the Obama regime? Apparently the impudence of disagreeing with liberal policies makes all of us conservatives a target for hatred and retribution.
We are accused of being hateful and bitter, but I've never said anything as mean about President Obama as what his cronies have said about me.
I've called him a Socialist. I've complained about and criticized his disastrous left-wing agenda. But I've never called him an S.O.B. or a terrorist or wished that he would go to hell.
I just want him to go home. And get a different job.
It's hard not to take it personally when so many angry Democrats start saying such hateful things about us folks in the Tea Party.
In the past few weeks, I've been called an S.O.B. by Teamsters' President James Hoffa, and a terrorist and barbarian by Vice-President Joe Biden.
Democrat Congresswoman Maxine Waters wants me to go to hell, and my own Congressman, the Honorable Andre Carson (grandson and political heir of Julia) called me a racist and accused me of wanting to lynch a few black folks for entertainment.
Is this the new tone of civility that the Democrats keep talking about? Where is the love?
All of this vitriol because we dare to oppose the Obama regime? Apparently the impudence of disagreeing with liberal policies makes all of us conservatives a target for hatred and retribution.
We are accused of being hateful and bitter, but I've never said anything as mean about President Obama as what his cronies have said about me.
I've called him a Socialist. I've complained about and criticized his disastrous left-wing agenda. But I've never called him an S.O.B. or a terrorist or wished that he would go to hell.
I just want him to go home. And get a different job.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
A Tale of Two Cultures
"It's amazing how much you can learn when you shut your mouth and open your eyes." - Wilburt LanghorstMany Americans are coming to realize that we are in the midst of a culture war. There is Liberal, and there is Conservative, and there doesn't seem to be much middle ground. We are locked in a struggle for the heart and soul of America.
One side thinks more government is the answer. The other side thinks too much government is the problem.
In 2008, America elected Barack Obama as President. He is arguably the most left-wing politician ever to reside in the White House. And since Democrats were also solidly in control of the House and Senate from 2008 to 2010, we finally have witnessed what happens when unrestrained Liberalism rules the country.
Not wanting to "waste a crisis," Mr. Obama quickly set about implementing his liberal agenda by pushing massive government spending bills, taking over huge chunks of the private sector (i.e. GM and Chrysler), creating new entitlements, and ramming nationalized health care through Congress.
This unprecedented national spending spree has inflated our annual budget deficits and our total national debt to catastrophic heights.
In 2009, a grassroots movement of concerned Americans rose up in response to this situation. Almost overnight, "Tea Party" rallies sprang up. Working class Americans, many of whom had never before been politically active, thronged to the hastily-organized protest rallies all across America.
Tea Party activists have been slandered by Democrats and the liberal media since day one. They've been derided and stereotyped as right-wing extremists, racists, and bigoted back-woods fanatics desperately clinging to their guns and Bibles.
But what have the Tea Party folks really done? They have peacefully protested the bankrupting of their country. They took to the streets, lawfully, out of concern for the impact of reckless government debt on the next generation. They exercised their First Amendment rights.
If you go to a Tea Party rally, you will observe young couples with their children. You'll see elderly grandmothers attending the first political rally of their lives. You'll meet college students who understand that their future liberty is threatened by the ever-encroaching power of government.
I met a young Chinese woman at a Tea Party rally who held up a sign that read: "I left Communist China for this?"
At a Tea Party rally, you find peaceful protesters listening to speakers who discuss conservative political ideas. There is no vandalism. There is no trash strewn across the rally site. No one is injured, no one is threatened, no property is damaged. Talk to a cop who has worked security at a Tea Party rally, and he'll tell you it was the easiest money he's ever made.
You will also notice that Tea Party rallies are scheduled for early evenings and weekends. That is because most Tea Party people have jobs. They are too busy working to protest during a weekday.
In the 2010 elections, there was a conservative push-back to the policies of Barack Obama. Democrats lost their majority in the House of Representatives, and also lost their filibuster-proof majority in the Senate.
At the state level, the Democrats' losses were even more pronounced. The most notable example of this was in Wisconsin, a bastion of liberalism for decades. Wisconsin voters were finally so fed up with the fiscal shenanigans of the ruling Democratic elites that they elected a conservative Republican named Scott Walker as their new governor. They also put Republicans in control of both houses of the Wisconsin legislature.
Governor Walker quickly moved to fulfill his campaign promises. He pushed through cost-cutting measures that trimmed back state spending. One of his most controversial measures involved forcing the state's teachers to forgo pay raises and to contribute a percentage of their compensation to their health insurance and pension plans.
For years, Wisconsin's teachers enjoyed some of the most generous insurance and pension benefits in the country, and those benefits were part of what was bankrupting the state. With the election of Scott Walker, Wisconsin voters had sent a clear message that they wanted that to change.
So how did the unionized teachers of Wisconsin decide to express their opposition to the new status quo?
Teachers unlawfully shut down the schools in protest. Massive rallies were staged at the Wisconsin Capital Building. Thousands of "rent-a-mob" union protesters were bussed in from out of state. Angry mobs illegally occupied the state Capital Building for several weeks.
Death threats were made against Governor Walker and some of the Republican legislators who supported him. The state Capital Building was vandalized. (Damage estimates afterwards ran into the millions of dollars.) The scene in downtown Madison after the protests ended resembled a war zone. The city was trashed by the unruly mob.
With this image of liberal mayhem and anarchy fresh in our minds, let's reflect again on the behavior of the Tea Party folks when they were upset and protesting.
On the right hand, you have a group of people who peacefully exercised their rights to protest government policies for the purpose of getting the government to leave them alone and desist from bankrupting their children's futures. No vandalism. No violence. No rent-a-mobs.
On the left hand, you have a group of people who destroyed public property, issued death threats, and bussed in thugs from out of state to help them intimidate elected officials. Their goal was to coerce the taxpayers into maintaining the "Cadillac benefits" package they had become accustomed to, regardless of what it did to the state's budget.
So the question begs to be asked: Which group, and which philosophy, will you support in America's culture war?
Friday, August 19, 2011
If the Government Ran Auto Insurance
As much as it irritates me the way that insurance companies seem to rule the world, I will grudgingly give them credit -- they operate in the realm of reality, and they respond to real-world market forces.
For example, if you are a careful driver with a long accident-free record, you get discounts and pay some of the lowest insurance rates.
If you are a mad-dog lead-foot with 8 points against your license and a couple of accidents on your record, you are in the high-risk category, and you are going to pay much higher insurance premiums that reflect the consequences of your behavior.
This is as it should be. Good behavior is rewarded. Bad behavior is penalized.
Because each driver pays a rate that reflects an accurate cost of their insurance risk, the auto insurance industry exemplifies a sustainable business model that serves the customers' needs and returns a profit to its shareholders.
This is a perfect example of free-market capitalism. It is a win-win situation that is based upon personal accountability and common sense.
If the government ever got involved in this, it would be a whole different story.
Liberal politicians would cry that it is unfair for the poor driver with the bad record to have to pay such high rates while others, who were fortunate enough to have good driving records, refused to pay their "fair share" so that everyone could have insurance at an equal cost.
So the liberals would implement a program to make all auto insurance premiums the same, regardless of the driving records of anyone in the program. This would make auto insurance "fair." Then everyone would be treated "equally." And once again, our government would have removed personal responsibility from the equation.
The results would be predictable: Insurance rates would rise for all the good drivers, while rates for bad drivers would decline to whatever mandated "average" rate the government established.
Minus the punitive disincentive of higher rates, bad drivers would become worse drivers. Good drivers would worry less about their driving records, since there was no longer any penalty for bad behavior.
Accident rates would increase. More drivers would speed. Insurance rates would have to rise to reflect the growing risk exposure of the insurance companies. Before long, EVERYONE would be paying a rate that was as high as the highest punitive rates that bad drivers used to pay under the original insurance system.
And if the government refused to let insurance companies raise their rates? Companies would begin to go out of business. Auto insurance would become more difficult to obtain.
If the government continued to smother the ability of insurance companies to make a profit, they would cease to operate, and the government would step in and become the auto-insurer for the nation.
Since a government program is NEVER as efficient as a private business, insurance costs would continue to rise. If you thought the private insurance companies (that had to compete with each other) were gouging you, wait until you have to do business with the monopoly of a government bureaucracy.
This is the problem with socialism. It sounds good. It sounds compassionate. But the results are always the same: Socialism eventually ensures that everyone is equally miserable, equally poor, and equally powerless.
Socialism turns responsible free citizens into dependent wards of the state.
That is not the kind of world I want to live in.
For example, if you are a careful driver with a long accident-free record, you get discounts and pay some of the lowest insurance rates.
If you are a mad-dog lead-foot with 8 points against your license and a couple of accidents on your record, you are in the high-risk category, and you are going to pay much higher insurance premiums that reflect the consequences of your behavior.
This is as it should be. Good behavior is rewarded. Bad behavior is penalized.
Because each driver pays a rate that reflects an accurate cost of their insurance risk, the auto insurance industry exemplifies a sustainable business model that serves the customers' needs and returns a profit to its shareholders.
This is a perfect example of free-market capitalism. It is a win-win situation that is based upon personal accountability and common sense.
If the government ever got involved in this, it would be a whole different story.
Liberal politicians would cry that it is unfair for the poor driver with the bad record to have to pay such high rates while others, who were fortunate enough to have good driving records, refused to pay their "fair share" so that everyone could have insurance at an equal cost.
So the liberals would implement a program to make all auto insurance premiums the same, regardless of the driving records of anyone in the program. This would make auto insurance "fair." Then everyone would be treated "equally." And once again, our government would have removed personal responsibility from the equation.
The results would be predictable: Insurance rates would rise for all the good drivers, while rates for bad drivers would decline to whatever mandated "average" rate the government established.
Minus the punitive disincentive of higher rates, bad drivers would become worse drivers. Good drivers would worry less about their driving records, since there was no longer any penalty for bad behavior.
Accident rates would increase. More drivers would speed. Insurance rates would have to rise to reflect the growing risk exposure of the insurance companies. Before long, EVERYONE would be paying a rate that was as high as the highest punitive rates that bad drivers used to pay under the original insurance system.
And if the government refused to let insurance companies raise their rates? Companies would begin to go out of business. Auto insurance would become more difficult to obtain.
If the government continued to smother the ability of insurance companies to make a profit, they would cease to operate, and the government would step in and become the auto-insurer for the nation.
Since a government program is NEVER as efficient as a private business, insurance costs would continue to rise. If you thought the private insurance companies (that had to compete with each other) were gouging you, wait until you have to do business with the monopoly of a government bureaucracy.
This is the problem with socialism. It sounds good. It sounds compassionate. But the results are always the same: Socialism eventually ensures that everyone is equally miserable, equally poor, and equally powerless.
Socialism turns responsible free citizens into dependent wards of the state.
That is not the kind of world I want to live in.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Absolutely Not Getting Any Younger
I received a birthday card some years ago with a cartoon of a marching band on the front that said "TIME MARCHES ON..." and then when I opened it the inside page continued "...YOUR FACE."
Tender sentiments like that always choke me up.
You may recall a blog I did some time ago titled The Day I Became Old in which I bemoaned the inevitable toll that the passing years take. Trust me, things aren't getting any better.
I was pointedly reminded of this recently while shopping at the drugstore. Walgreens had a sale on bottled water, so I loaded my cart with seven cases and pushed it into the parking lot. As I started loading the cases into the side door of my van, a thirty-something woman who was walking by stopped and sincerely asked, "Can I help you with that, sir?"
She was so earnest and polite, I didn't hold against her the fact that she had just made me feel about 100 years old. Plus, I reasoned, I might really live long enough that I will appreciate offers like that sometime in the future, so I had better learn to be more gracious.
"Thanks for asking," I said cheerfully, "but I'm fine."
It's just a matter of time before Girl Scouts start helping me across the street.
I've lost count of how many people have asked me if I am retired. In my dreams! Unfortunately, I have worked in the real world, where the majority of Americans work, and we don't have a union pension or the option of retiring after 25 or 30 years. We work, and live economically, and save, and hope we can accumulate enough to "retire" to part-time employment once we are old enough to draw whatever is left of our Social Security.
A while back I was at the grocery store. The cashier couldn't find the code for my Romaine lettuce, and since I buy it all the time, I remembered it and told her what it was. My knowledge of produce impressed the sack-boy, who had to be all of 16 years old.
"Dude," he said, "you should get a job here part-time."
I just laughed. "Man, my life is so busy, the last thing I need is another job!"
The kid looked at me incredulously, and in all innocence said, "You mean you still work?"
Ouch!
Dear Lord, I sincerely hope I wasn't that annoying when I was sixteen...but I probably was.
Tender sentiments like that always choke me up.
You may recall a blog I did some time ago titled The Day I Became Old in which I bemoaned the inevitable toll that the passing years take. Trust me, things aren't getting any better.
I was pointedly reminded of this recently while shopping at the drugstore. Walgreens had a sale on bottled water, so I loaded my cart with seven cases and pushed it into the parking lot. As I started loading the cases into the side door of my van, a thirty-something woman who was walking by stopped and sincerely asked, "Can I help you with that, sir?"
She was so earnest and polite, I didn't hold against her the fact that she had just made me feel about 100 years old. Plus, I reasoned, I might really live long enough that I will appreciate offers like that sometime in the future, so I had better learn to be more gracious.
"Thanks for asking," I said cheerfully, "but I'm fine."
It's just a matter of time before Girl Scouts start helping me across the street.
I've lost count of how many people have asked me if I am retired. In my dreams! Unfortunately, I have worked in the real world, where the majority of Americans work, and we don't have a union pension or the option of retiring after 25 or 30 years. We work, and live economically, and save, and hope we can accumulate enough to "retire" to part-time employment once we are old enough to draw whatever is left of our Social Security.
A while back I was at the grocery store. The cashier couldn't find the code for my Romaine lettuce, and since I buy it all the time, I remembered it and told her what it was. My knowledge of produce impressed the sack-boy, who had to be all of 16 years old.
"Dude," he said, "you should get a job here part-time."
I just laughed. "Man, my life is so busy, the last thing I need is another job!"
The kid looked at me incredulously, and in all innocence said, "You mean you still work?"
Ouch!
Dear Lord, I sincerely hope I wasn't that annoying when I was sixteen...but I probably was.
What if You Lived Like the Government?
Tom McClintock, a Republican Congressman from California, does a great job of boiling the budget debate down to the basic issue - we have to take responsibility for our spending. READ MORE
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
The Great Roots of a Great Nation
"If you wuz born in America, you got a 90-yard head start in a 100-yard race." - Earl Pitts (alter-ego of radio-host Gary Burbank)
As we prepare to celebrate another Independence Day, it is fitting that we consider the blessings of living in America.
We live in an exceptional country, though we are not exceptional people. There is nothing extraordinary in our DNA. We are no smarter or nobler than anyone else on the planet.
But we have the good fortune to live within the most dynamic political system ever devised by man. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to that group of statesmen who declared American independence back in 1776, and who stood firm throughout the military and political clashes that followed to successfully establish the world's greatest democratic republic.
Has there ever in history been such a gathering of political, philosophical and spiritual leaders? Could America have been birthed without the contributions of men like Patrick Henry, John Witherspoon, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, James Madison, John Hancock?
We are free today because we stand on the shoulders of these giants.
Admittedly, in practice, America has not always lived up to the ideals of her founding. The national sin of slavery took generations to resolve, and even today we still deal with some of the consequences of that shame. Our treatment of the native Indian populations was unconscionable. We have had our share of crooked politicians who abused government power. At times greedy industrialists have exploited the working class.
This is not a perfect country. But as Winston Churchill so famously observed, "Democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."
No other nation on earth offers the opportunities for common people to improve their lot in life like America. Nowhere else are people so free to pursue their dreams and ambitions. No country on earth is more diligent about protecting individual liberty than the United States.
America is a great nation because we are united by great ideas, which are proclaimed in our Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
These are revolutionary notions. They turned the world upside down in 1776.
Take special note of that phrase "endowed by their Creator" because it is fundamental to understanding America.
The men who founded this country shared a faith in God. In their declaration to the world of our independence, they boldly asserted their belief in a Creator who endows us with individual worth, because we are each made in his image.
They shared a biblical worldview, and an understanding of our fallen human nature. That is how they were able to craft a system of government founded on noble and lofty ideals, yet still designed to work practically in the day-to-day tumult of the sinful human condition.
Sadly, America has been drifting away from God for several generations now. We are turning away from our spiritual heritage. If our nation, founded on faith in God, chooses to deny His providence, what hope is there for us?
As John Adams wrote, "We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other."
After studying American society for several years, the French historian Alexis de Tocqueville concluded in his classic 1835 book Democracy in America that “America is great because she is good. If America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.”
If we hope to pass on the blessings of liberty to our children, we need to turn our hearts back to the Creator who made all of these things possible. Can any reasonable person study the history of America's founding and not perceive the hand of God orchestrating the creation of this great experiment in self-government?
We ignore the Creator who established this country at our own peril.
We are not great people, but we do live in a great nation, bequeathed to us by great statesmen, who understood the power and authority of our great God.
As we prepare to celebrate another Independence Day, it is fitting that we consider the blessings of living in America.
We live in an exceptional country, though we are not exceptional people. There is nothing extraordinary in our DNA. We are no smarter or nobler than anyone else on the planet.
But we have the good fortune to live within the most dynamic political system ever devised by man. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to that group of statesmen who declared American independence back in 1776, and who stood firm throughout the military and political clashes that followed to successfully establish the world's greatest democratic republic.
Has there ever in history been such a gathering of political, philosophical and spiritual leaders? Could America have been birthed without the contributions of men like Patrick Henry, John Witherspoon, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, James Madison, John Hancock?
We are free today because we stand on the shoulders of these giants.
Admittedly, in practice, America has not always lived up to the ideals of her founding. The national sin of slavery took generations to resolve, and even today we still deal with some of the consequences of that shame. Our treatment of the native Indian populations was unconscionable. We have had our share of crooked politicians who abused government power. At times greedy industrialists have exploited the working class.
This is not a perfect country. But as Winston Churchill so famously observed, "Democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."
No other nation on earth offers the opportunities for common people to improve their lot in life like America. Nowhere else are people so free to pursue their dreams and ambitions. No country on earth is more diligent about protecting individual liberty than the United States.
America is a great nation because we are united by great ideas, which are proclaimed in our Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
These are revolutionary notions. They turned the world upside down in 1776.
Take special note of that phrase "endowed by their Creator" because it is fundamental to understanding America.
The men who founded this country shared a faith in God. In their declaration to the world of our independence, they boldly asserted their belief in a Creator who endows us with individual worth, because we are each made in his image.
They shared a biblical worldview, and an understanding of our fallen human nature. That is how they were able to craft a system of government founded on noble and lofty ideals, yet still designed to work practically in the day-to-day tumult of the sinful human condition.
Sadly, America has been drifting away from God for several generations now. We are turning away from our spiritual heritage. If our nation, founded on faith in God, chooses to deny His providence, what hope is there for us?
As John Adams wrote, "We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other."
After studying American society for several years, the French historian Alexis de Tocqueville concluded in his classic 1835 book Democracy in America that “America is great because she is good. If America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.”
If we hope to pass on the blessings of liberty to our children, we need to turn our hearts back to the Creator who made all of these things possible. Can any reasonable person study the history of America's founding and not perceive the hand of God orchestrating the creation of this great experiment in self-government?
We ignore the Creator who established this country at our own peril.
We are not great people, but we do live in a great nation, bequeathed to us by great statesmen, who understood the power and authority of our great God.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
High Tax Rates = Low Tax Revenue
My favorite economist, Thomas Sowell, once again distills a complex controversy down to it's simple essence. This short column is a must-read if you want to understand the economic pitfalls of "soaking the rich." READ MORE
Monday, June 20, 2011
Somebody Stop Me Before I Hoard Again
I knew we were in trouble when I found my deceased father-in-law's leg under the bed in the guest room.
They say that you can't begin to rehabilitate yourself until you admit that you have a problem, so I'll bare my soul to the world and admit it publicly: I am a hoarder. Even worse, I am married to another hoarder. Someday you will see a report about us on the 6 o'clock news after the police find our decayed remains buried beneath a fallen stack of old magazines.
But we're trying to mend our ways. Which brings us to how I found the leg.
This past January, I spent one whole Saturday morning cleaning out the guest room. There were a lot of valuable items that I just had to force myself to pitch because we needed the space. I had a fine set of encyclopedias from 1956 that a neighbor had given me in 1985, but they seemed a bit "past it" in 2011, so they had to go. I also had a complete collection of National Lampoons from 1974 & 1975.
Obviously, I have had this hoarding problem for a long time.
But when I found my father-in-law's leg, I knew we needed serious therapy.
My father-in-law died in 2006. My wife was the executrix of his estate. For a while we had numerous boxes of his personal belongings stored in our guest room while the estate was being settled. That is how we ended up with the prosthetic leg that he wore for the last few years of his life.
I had forgotten all about the thing, until I found it while I was cleaning.
ME: Peggy, I just found your dad's leg under the bed!
HER: I wondered where that had gotten off to.
ME: Why in the world are we saving this?
HER: Somebody else might be able to use it.
ME: If I ever need a prosthetic leg, I prefer to have mine custom made.
HER: Oh, quit whining. I think there's some organization that takes them and re-fits them for people.
ME: This leg has been here for five years! Some poor guy is hobbling around downtown right now on a crutch, waiting for someone to donate a leg for him.
HER: Okay, okay, I'll find the place and get rid of it.
ME: Fine! But let's get it out of the house. I'm putting it in the trunk of the car so you will have it with you whenever you decide to drop it off.
HER: Whatever.
When two hoarders live under the same roof, things can get pretty testy anytime one hoarder wants to get rid of something that the other hoarder is hoarding. I could easily throw away a bunch of her stuff. She could easily throw away a bunch of my stuff. But that could quickly escalate into something unpleasant, so it is easier (and safer) to just let things pile up.
After my most recent heart attack (see Another Routine Day in the ER) I decided I needed to clean out the garage and tool shed so that, in the event of my untimely demise, my children wouldn't have to spend several weekends cursing my memory as they cleaned up my life-long accumulation of junk.
So last month I stifled my inner-hoarder and made myself throw away a dumpster-load of odds and ends that I had saved for years on the off chance that someday one of them might be useful.
It was quite liberating! I felt like I was freeing myself from the shackles of my past. Perhaps there was hope for us. Perhaps Peggy and I could begin a new life; a life free from the compulsion to save so much stuff "just in case" we might need it someday.
I was feeling pretty special as I packed up several paper sacks with old newspapers to take to the recycling bin. That is, until I popped open the trunk and saw my father-in-law's leg, laying right where I had left it 5 months before.
Whatever.
They say that you can't begin to rehabilitate yourself until you admit that you have a problem, so I'll bare my soul to the world and admit it publicly: I am a hoarder. Even worse, I am married to another hoarder. Someday you will see a report about us on the 6 o'clock news after the police find our decayed remains buried beneath a fallen stack of old magazines.
But we're trying to mend our ways. Which brings us to how I found the leg.
This past January, I spent one whole Saturday morning cleaning out the guest room. There were a lot of valuable items that I just had to force myself to pitch because we needed the space. I had a fine set of encyclopedias from 1956 that a neighbor had given me in 1985, but they seemed a bit "past it" in 2011, so they had to go. I also had a complete collection of National Lampoons from 1974 & 1975.
Obviously, I have had this hoarding problem for a long time.
But when I found my father-in-law's leg, I knew we needed serious therapy.
My father-in-law died in 2006. My wife was the executrix of his estate. For a while we had numerous boxes of his personal belongings stored in our guest room while the estate was being settled. That is how we ended up with the prosthetic leg that he wore for the last few years of his life.
I had forgotten all about the thing, until I found it while I was cleaning.
ME: Peggy, I just found your dad's leg under the bed!
HER: I wondered where that had gotten off to.
ME: Why in the world are we saving this?
HER: Somebody else might be able to use it.
ME: If I ever need a prosthetic leg, I prefer to have mine custom made.
HER: Oh, quit whining. I think there's some organization that takes them and re-fits them for people.
ME: This leg has been here for five years! Some poor guy is hobbling around downtown right now on a crutch, waiting for someone to donate a leg for him.
HER: Okay, okay, I'll find the place and get rid of it.
ME: Fine! But let's get it out of the house. I'm putting it in the trunk of the car so you will have it with you whenever you decide to drop it off.
HER: Whatever.
When two hoarders live under the same roof, things can get pretty testy anytime one hoarder wants to get rid of something that the other hoarder is hoarding. I could easily throw away a bunch of her stuff. She could easily throw away a bunch of my stuff. But that could quickly escalate into something unpleasant, so it is easier (and safer) to just let things pile up.
After my most recent heart attack (see Another Routine Day in the ER) I decided I needed to clean out the garage and tool shed so that, in the event of my untimely demise, my children wouldn't have to spend several weekends cursing my memory as they cleaned up my life-long accumulation of junk.
So last month I stifled my inner-hoarder and made myself throw away a dumpster-load of odds and ends that I had saved for years on the off chance that someday one of them might be useful.
It was quite liberating! I felt like I was freeing myself from the shackles of my past. Perhaps there was hope for us. Perhaps Peggy and I could begin a new life; a life free from the compulsion to save so much stuff "just in case" we might need it someday.
I was feeling pretty special as I packed up several paper sacks with old newspapers to take to the recycling bin. That is, until I popped open the trunk and saw my father-in-law's leg, laying right where I had left it 5 months before.
Whatever.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Love Letter to Toyota
If you have never checked out Stanley Bing's column in Fortune magazine, you have missed a lot of funny reading. READ MORE
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Why Can't I Get Anything Done?
After weeks of monsoon rains, there was a sunny day last week that presented me with a golden opportunity to complete some outdoor chores.
I was burning up with spring fever, and decided to finish replacing the exterior siding on my tool shed.
It took me about ten minutes to find my extension cord, circular saw and drill. I started spreading my lumber out onto the grass when I realized I didn't have my tape measure.
Hmmm...tape measure, tape measure...what did I do with that tape measure?
As I pondered this, my neighbor strolled over to the fence and began talking to me. Since I have a one-track mind (which is easily de-railed) I really wasn't in the mood for chit-chat at that moment, but I didn't want to be rude, since my neighbors are nice, and I stopped working so we could yak for a while.
After the gab session, I returned my focus to the task at hand. I decided to start by trimming out the plywood siding on the shed with some 1x4 pine boards. Then I remembered: I still needed to find that tape measure!
I walked back into the house to look for it, and heard the phone ringing. When I answered it I was thrilled to hear a digital voice giving me the exciting news that I had won an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise, and that if I pressed "1" for more information I could book my reservation today!
How lucky can a guy get?
After hanging up the phone, my bladder reminded me that I had business to take care of inside. While visiting the throne room, I discovered an interesting article in Fortune magazine that detailed some exciting new investment opportunities for my vast retirement portfolio. (I will be able to retire by 2052 if I can figure out how to live on 500 calories a day and also talk one of my kids into letting me live in a back bedroom rent-free.)
After washing up, I stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of ice water. Noticing the ice cube supply was low, I took a minute to fill the tray and put it into the freezer. That's when I saw the fudgecicle, so I grabbed it and sat out on the porch for a few minutes to slurp it down.
It occurred to me that I still needed that tape measure. I thought I had seen it in the garage, so I spent about 10 minutes out there searching the shelves, but never did find it. Hmmm...maybe I had left it out in the shed.
As I walked out the back door, the neighbor kids on the other side of my yard called me over. I stopped to talk to them, and they asked me if I had any extra wood that they could use to build a lemonade stand. I told them I'd be happy to let them have whatever was left over after I finished working on my shed. (I didn't have the heart to tell them that at the rate I was going, they'd be able to sell lemonade to their grandchildren.)
I walked back over to the shed, and started looking around for the tape measure. I was really starting to get irritated. So far it had taken me 90 minutes to go to the bathroom, fill up the ice cube tray, and eat a fudgecicle.
Where was that freakin' tape measure?
I finally decided to forget about any carpentry work, and just finish staining the wood trim that I had laying in the grass so that it would be ready to put up whenever I finally found my tape measure.
As I started stirring the wood stain I felt the first drops of rain on my neck. I looked up to see a line of menacing dark clouds moving in from the west. Apparently I was not destined to accomplish anything that day. I frantically started gathering up my power tools and putting them into the shed. Then I picked up the lumber and stacked it inside the shed against the north wall, right next to a shelf.
I looked down on that shelf, and there, right where I had put it, was the tape measure. I swear I heard it laughing at me.
I was burning up with spring fever, and decided to finish replacing the exterior siding on my tool shed.
It took me about ten minutes to find my extension cord, circular saw and drill. I started spreading my lumber out onto the grass when I realized I didn't have my tape measure.
Hmmm...tape measure, tape measure...what did I do with that tape measure?
As I pondered this, my neighbor strolled over to the fence and began talking to me. Since I have a one-track mind (which is easily de-railed) I really wasn't in the mood for chit-chat at that moment, but I didn't want to be rude, since my neighbors are nice, and I stopped working so we could yak for a while.
After the gab session, I returned my focus to the task at hand. I decided to start by trimming out the plywood siding on the shed with some 1x4 pine boards. Then I remembered: I still needed to find that tape measure!
I walked back into the house to look for it, and heard the phone ringing. When I answered it I was thrilled to hear a digital voice giving me the exciting news that I had won an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise, and that if I pressed "1" for more information I could book my reservation today!
How lucky can a guy get?
After hanging up the phone, my bladder reminded me that I had business to take care of inside. While visiting the throne room, I discovered an interesting article in Fortune magazine that detailed some exciting new investment opportunities for my vast retirement portfolio. (I will be able to retire by 2052 if I can figure out how to live on 500 calories a day and also talk one of my kids into letting me live in a back bedroom rent-free.)
After washing up, I stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of ice water. Noticing the ice cube supply was low, I took a minute to fill the tray and put it into the freezer. That's when I saw the fudgecicle, so I grabbed it and sat out on the porch for a few minutes to slurp it down.
It occurred to me that I still needed that tape measure. I thought I had seen it in the garage, so I spent about 10 minutes out there searching the shelves, but never did find it. Hmmm...maybe I had left it out in the shed.
As I walked out the back door, the neighbor kids on the other side of my yard called me over. I stopped to talk to them, and they asked me if I had any extra wood that they could use to build a lemonade stand. I told them I'd be happy to let them have whatever was left over after I finished working on my shed. (I didn't have the heart to tell them that at the rate I was going, they'd be able to sell lemonade to their grandchildren.)
I walked back over to the shed, and started looking around for the tape measure. I was really starting to get irritated. So far it had taken me 90 minutes to go to the bathroom, fill up the ice cube tray, and eat a fudgecicle.
Where was that freakin' tape measure?
I finally decided to forget about any carpentry work, and just finish staining the wood trim that I had laying in the grass so that it would be ready to put up whenever I finally found my tape measure.
As I started stirring the wood stain I felt the first drops of rain on my neck. I looked up to see a line of menacing dark clouds moving in from the west. Apparently I was not destined to accomplish anything that day. I frantically started gathering up my power tools and putting them into the shed. Then I picked up the lumber and stacked it inside the shed against the north wall, right next to a shelf.
I looked down on that shelf, and there, right where I had put it, was the tape measure. I swear I heard it laughing at me.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
I Still Want My Summers Back
This blog was originally posted in August of 2010. You may have missed it. Now that summer is fast approaching, I want to bring the issue up again. I want my summers back! Come this August, when we are baking in the sun, school will start again and cut short the best part of the year. This is just wrong!
Ah, the dog days of summer. The sun is high in the sky, baking the parched grass. The beach is warm and inviting as the waves lap against the shore. The aroma of coconut oil wafts across the pool at Garfield Park, and for some reason I cannot fathom: KIDS ARE STANDING AT THE CURB WAITING FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!
Whatever happened to summer?
This ever-earlier encroachment of the start of school on summer vacation has irked me for years, and the situation is only getting worse. There are elementary schools around here that started on August 2nd. My neighbor began his "fall" semester at Southport High School on August 10th.
Again I ask: whatever happened to summer?
Educators tell us that we need a longer school year to pump our students' heads up with more knowledge so they can compete in an increasingly high-tech world. Okay, I get that. But if you are going to add days to the school year, why not add them in June, when it is cooler and less humid. Why screw up the month of August, the best part of summer?
I have heard educators say that adding days in June is not productive, since kids are looking forward to the end of the school year, and they begin to lose focus on their studies.
Well, duh! The reason kids begin to lose their focus in April is because they know they are getting out of school in May. If we move the school calendar back, then students can begin to lose their focus in May because they know that school will end in June. I see no real problem here.
When you live in a place like Indiana (as I have for my entire life) summertime is a precious and fleeting season. If you enjoy outdoor activities like swimming, boating and camping, there is a narrow window of opportunity to indulge in these pleasures.
May is totally unpredictable, and the water in our lakes is too cold to allow most us to swim. June is almost as bad, with lots of rainy days and cool nights. In addition, in June many of the state park reservoirs are flooded from the spring rains, which closes the beaches, and sometimes the marinas.
For summer junkies like me, that leaves July, August and maybe the first half of September. A mere two and half months to enjoy our summertime, and then we face another long dreary wait through fall, another brutal midwestern winter, and a soggy cold spring before we can play out in the water again.
Life is short. In my opinion, we all work too much and play too little. There are too few pleasures as it is, and for our schools to steal away the best part of summer just doesn't make sense to me. Summertime activities are wonderful ways for families to spend time together and make memories.
As I write this, on Wednesday August 11, it is 88 degrees at 9:00 in the morning. The high today is forecast at 96 degrees. Days like this are created for people to relax, work on a tan, and play in the water.
But today, the beach at Eagle Creek Park is closed. The pools in the Indianapolis city parks are closed. It's hitting 96 degrees in the middle of August, and there is nowhere nearby to go swimming BECAUSE THE LIFE GUARDS HAD TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
Conversely, you could go to a city pool in early June and shoot off a cannon without hitting anything but a pigeon, since no one in their right mind wants to go swimming when it is 75 degrees and raining. But that's when our pools are open, because we don't have enough sense to schedule summer vacations during the time that it is actually summer!
It is ridiculous to lose our summers like this. We are all cheated out of one of the best parts of the year because we can't get the schools to schedule summer vacations during the summertime. If you want to help change this situation, join the Save Indiana Summers campaign.
Ah, the dog days of summer. The sun is high in the sky, baking the parched grass. The beach is warm and inviting as the waves lap against the shore. The aroma of coconut oil wafts across the pool at Garfield Park, and for some reason I cannot fathom: KIDS ARE STANDING AT THE CURB WAITING FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!
Whatever happened to summer?
This ever-earlier encroachment of the start of school on summer vacation has irked me for years, and the situation is only getting worse. There are elementary schools around here that started on August 2nd. My neighbor began his "fall" semester at Southport High School on August 10th.
Again I ask: whatever happened to summer?
Educators tell us that we need a longer school year to pump our students' heads up with more knowledge so they can compete in an increasingly high-tech world. Okay, I get that. But if you are going to add days to the school year, why not add them in June, when it is cooler and less humid. Why screw up the month of August, the best part of summer?
I have heard educators say that adding days in June is not productive, since kids are looking forward to the end of the school year, and they begin to lose focus on their studies.
Well, duh! The reason kids begin to lose their focus in April is because they know they are getting out of school in May. If we move the school calendar back, then students can begin to lose their focus in May because they know that school will end in June. I see no real problem here.
When you live in a place like Indiana (as I have for my entire life) summertime is a precious and fleeting season. If you enjoy outdoor activities like swimming, boating and camping, there is a narrow window of opportunity to indulge in these pleasures.
May is totally unpredictable, and the water in our lakes is too cold to allow most us to swim. June is almost as bad, with lots of rainy days and cool nights. In addition, in June many of the state park reservoirs are flooded from the spring rains, which closes the beaches, and sometimes the marinas.
For summer junkies like me, that leaves July, August and maybe the first half of September. A mere two and half months to enjoy our summertime, and then we face another long dreary wait through fall, another brutal midwestern winter, and a soggy cold spring before we can play out in the water again.
Life is short. In my opinion, we all work too much and play too little. There are too few pleasures as it is, and for our schools to steal away the best part of summer just doesn't make sense to me. Summertime activities are wonderful ways for families to spend time together and make memories.
As I write this, on Wednesday August 11, it is 88 degrees at 9:00 in the morning. The high today is forecast at 96 degrees. Days like this are created for people to relax, work on a tan, and play in the water.
But today, the beach at Eagle Creek Park is closed. The pools in the Indianapolis city parks are closed. It's hitting 96 degrees in the middle of August, and there is nowhere nearby to go swimming BECAUSE THE LIFE GUARDS HAD TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
Conversely, you could go to a city pool in early June and shoot off a cannon without hitting anything but a pigeon, since no one in their right mind wants to go swimming when it is 75 degrees and raining. But that's when our pools are open, because we don't have enough sense to schedule summer vacations during the time that it is actually summer!
It is ridiculous to lose our summers like this. We are all cheated out of one of the best parts of the year because we can't get the schools to schedule summer vacations during the summertime. If you want to help change this situation, join the Save Indiana Summers campaign.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Your Life is a Journey
I once met a woman who had spent nearly 35 years of her life trying to please no one but herself. I first met her in 1994, when she was panhandling in University Park in downtown Indianapolis. She was dirty, rough and obviously hungover. She was sitting on a bench, with her walker next to her. Our acquaintance began when I gave her a few dollars for a meal. To protect her privacy, let's call her Margaret.
We talked briefly, and I as I walked away, thinking how sad it was that a lonely old woman should be panhandling for food, God spoke unmistakably to me. He said, "Keep an eye on her." I was startled (I don't hear God speak to me like that very often -- probably because I don't listen as well as I should) but I told him that I would do what I could.
To make a long story short, God eventually convinced me to bring Margaret home temporarily to live with my family. It took us six weeks to help her find an apartment she could afford on her monthly check from Social Security Disability. I hate to say this, but it was the longest six weeks of my life.
She was mean. She was unappreciative. When she didn't get her way, she would become hateful and verbally abusive. If she had been strong and healthy instead of sickly and frail, I'm sure she would have hurt us. It was obvious that she had mental problems. But her biggest problem was the booze.
She would sneak out for a cheap bottle of rot-gut vodka, and by the time I would get home in the evening she would be blitzed. I began to understand how her family could have deserted her. If I hadn't been under direct orders from the Lord, I would have trucked her hateful old bones back downtown to the park myself!
Eventually we did find Margaret an apartment nearby. She would get drunk and call the leasing office several times a week to complain about anything she could think of. When her lease was up, she was evicted. We found her another apartment, and moved her again. She managed to stay two years there, but was finally evicted for a variety of reasons including loud, late-night drinking parties; vulgar behavior around children in nearby apartment units; and sanitary concerns. (Good housekeeping was not her top priority.)
My point is this: This woman's life was a total wreck; she was lonely, pathetic and miserable; and it was her own fault. She didn't care about anyone or anything besides herself. And what she wanted more than anything was another drink. That was all that mattered to her. She had sacrificed her life to the god of alcohol.
She ruined herself by not caring about anything besides herself.
God has a plan for Margaret. He has had one all along. Like all of us, however, she is free to disregard God's will and follow her own selfish desires. Few of us have fallen as far from grace as Margaret, but we are only talking about a difference of degree.
Every single one of us falls short of God's best.
Every day we make choices that affect our direction in life. Every day we grow a little closer to God, or we drift a little further away.
It may be that you have strayed far from the path of your destiny. If so, I have great news for you.
Today you can turn around. Today you can choose to listen to God. Today you can begin the journey he has planned for you.
God specializes in second chances. He always allows U-turns. He is rich in mercy, and waits patiently to welcome his prodigal children back home.
It has truly been said: "Your life is God's gift to you; what good you do with it is your gift to him."
We talked briefly, and I as I walked away, thinking how sad it was that a lonely old woman should be panhandling for food, God spoke unmistakably to me. He said, "Keep an eye on her." I was startled (I don't hear God speak to me like that very often -- probably because I don't listen as well as I should) but I told him that I would do what I could.
To make a long story short, God eventually convinced me to bring Margaret home temporarily to live with my family. It took us six weeks to help her find an apartment she could afford on her monthly check from Social Security Disability. I hate to say this, but it was the longest six weeks of my life.
She was mean. She was unappreciative. When she didn't get her way, she would become hateful and verbally abusive. If she had been strong and healthy instead of sickly and frail, I'm sure she would have hurt us. It was obvious that she had mental problems. But her biggest problem was the booze.
She would sneak out for a cheap bottle of rot-gut vodka, and by the time I would get home in the evening she would be blitzed. I began to understand how her family could have deserted her. If I hadn't been under direct orders from the Lord, I would have trucked her hateful old bones back downtown to the park myself!
Eventually we did find Margaret an apartment nearby. She would get drunk and call the leasing office several times a week to complain about anything she could think of. When her lease was up, she was evicted. We found her another apartment, and moved her again. She managed to stay two years there, but was finally evicted for a variety of reasons including loud, late-night drinking parties; vulgar behavior around children in nearby apartment units; and sanitary concerns. (Good housekeeping was not her top priority.)
My point is this: This woman's life was a total wreck; she was lonely, pathetic and miserable; and it was her own fault. She didn't care about anyone or anything besides herself. And what she wanted more than anything was another drink. That was all that mattered to her. She had sacrificed her life to the god of alcohol.
She ruined herself by not caring about anything besides herself.
God has a plan for Margaret. He has had one all along. Like all of us, however, she is free to disregard God's will and follow her own selfish desires. Few of us have fallen as far from grace as Margaret, but we are only talking about a difference of degree.
Every single one of us falls short of God's best.
Every day we make choices that affect our direction in life. Every day we grow a little closer to God, or we drift a little further away.
It may be that you have strayed far from the path of your destiny. If so, I have great news for you.
Today you can turn around. Today you can choose to listen to God. Today you can begin the journey he has planned for you.
God specializes in second chances. He always allows U-turns. He is rich in mercy, and waits patiently to welcome his prodigal children back home.
It has truly been said: "Your life is God's gift to you; what good you do with it is your gift to him."
Friday, May 6, 2011
What Socialism Did for the Indians
John Stossel makes some excellent observations about how much the government hurts us when it tries to "help" us. READ MORE
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Photo of the Week
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